Portrait Artist Blog

I promise I didn't blink. I tried as much as I could to keep my eyes wide open the entire time they were growing up. I even made this my career to capture them as often as I could. But, we did sleep. And while we slept, they grew up. It was gradual and fast at the same time. It was beautiful and painful too. There are days I don't remember, despite all my efforts to not forget. Even I, as a professional photographer, with the skill to capture them every day in every way - natural light, flash, silhouette - if I wanted to... didn't. And the little boy and the little girl are now trapped inside these big people. I miss them.

Don't miss the moments. Despite the craving of the days past, I realize I can't keep looking back. My biggest takeaway from all this is being present. I've enjoyed being present, but I wasn't always whole. I fought depression and anxiety, abandonment and personal problems. I was  distracted making a life for them and me.

Rio is a senior, and will be moving out in August to attend Texas State. I asked her, "Was it good? (her childhood) Are you going to have to tell your therapist one day that mom was too busy building her business than spending time with you?" She smiled and tried not to undermine my question. She's good at balancing her reactions like that. "No, mom. I really liked my childhood, and you did what you had to do to make a good life for yourself and us. I don't regret your choices, and I do feel like I grew up with a mom, so you shouldn't regret them either. I'm happy you're happy and I'm proud of what you've accomplished."

I can be so hard on myself that even Truth sometimes doesn't get through. But, this time, it did. Truth is, I did everything I could to provide for myself and my kids, and that was filled with Moments that may have been hard and sacrificial, but they were all worthwhile. I didn't miss the moments, or the opportunities, to love myself and them to the absolute fullest, even when those moments didn't have a camera covering my face.

Our last family portrait before she leaves and the dynamic changes completely are below. I just love this moment!